Posted Secrets
by LLizD
Summary: Sometimes there are secrets inside of you, eating you up, and you have to send them away. Like anonymously on a postcard to a disclosed location. BC post 2.13 link to secrets in my profile.


Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything affiliated with Gossip Girl or Postsecret.

Posted Secrets

Chapter 1

One month, three weeks, and two days.

It had been one month, three weeks, and two days since Blair last saw him. One month, three weeks, two days, today was the 24th, she ingested 465 calories so far today… SHUT UP, BLAIR.

"Blair, sweetheart, Cyrus and I have some news for you." Her mother's disgustingly chipper voice interrupted her thoughts.

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" Blair asked, an eyebrow raised.

"No, Blair, but we will be having a new tenant." Cyrus responded. His answer confused Blair even more so he continued, "My daughter, Taylor, will be staying with us for a few weeks. Her mother is on a campaign, and even though she calls DC home, she wishes to spend time here since I haven't seen Taylor since before your mother and I's courtship began."

Blair nodded, unsure of how else to respond. Exactly what she needed: another person to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.

"It's only a few weeks, Blair." Her mother said, sensing Blair's discomfort. "She's near your age, I think 15 now. Maybe a new friend could do you some good. We know your health hasn't been so great lately, but the doctors are working on what could be wrong and some new experiences could ensure some… mental stability."

Blair took in five deep breaths, suddenly disgusted with the dinner in front of her. She was uncomfortably aware of the problems her body was experiencing. She hadn't had a full night's sleep in weeks, her muscles were weak, and she would randomly lose all of her body heat. Personally, Blair felt it was fate's way of punishing her for not being able to make him stay. Her stomach suddenly felt uneasily full at the thought of him, as though the Caesar Salad she just ingested was a five course meal. Eleanor's watchful eyes pierced into the side of Blair's face. Instead of lashing out, Blair lightly dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin, gave her mother a smile, and excused herself.

Once away from her mother's gaze, she ran to her sanctuary in her bathroom. Without thinking, she knelt in front of the toilet. Four hundred and sixty five calories, one month, three weeks, two days, two fingers down her throat.

After she cleansed herself, Blair walked to the sink. She washed her face and rinsed her mouth, finally allowing herself to look in the mirror.

Gaunt was never a word that Blair would use to describe herself, but now it seemed fitting. Her porcelain skin appeared sallow under the harsh lights of her bathroom; so harsh that Blair had to avert her eyes. She straightened out her appearance, ready to put up her perfect façade as her phone beeped a new text message. Blair opened up her EnV, her heart suddenly jumping to her throat.

A picture of him greeted her, looking worse for wear and walking into Victrola, completely unaware of the picture being taken. The caption was simple, but it said all it needed to.

_Guess who's back?_

_Xoxo_

Blair didn't know what to do at that point. More than anything she wanted to run to him, take him in her arms, profess her love for him yet again, and let this nightmare be over. His final written words stopped her: Don't come looking for me.

He didn't want to be found. Blair had to keep reminding herself of that, that and the advice given to her of just to give him time.

Besides, how could she even face him when she couldn't even say his name?

Hours had passed, but Blair barely noticed. She put on her coat and walked outside to watch the sunrise, her mind still plagued on what to do. The sound of her heels clicking on the pavement on her way to nowhere became Blair's only soundtrack to her thoughts. She found it ironic that such a huge city can feel so lonely. So very lonely.

She was going to Victrola.

It wasn't difficult to hail a cab at that time of the morning, so it didn't take Blair long to reach her destination. She walked in to the club, the final stragglers making their way towards the door. The smoky air barely fazed Blair as she walked to the back where she knew he would be.

Blair walked down the hallway, not even bothering to knock on the door at the end. She swung it open and stood there in shock at the site that greeted her. Sitting on a chaise, looking in a mirror was a petite beauty straight out of the 1930's. Her garnet hair in a pin curled bob reflected the light of the dim room as her huge green eyes gazed at Blair.

"Sweet pea," The young girl's laugh rang like a sweet bell, her southern accent revealing that she was not in her circle, "Either Mista George O'Donnell is a very attractive young lady or you have somehow found yourself in the wrong location." She batted her eyelashes for effect and Blair let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.

"Oh… sorry." Blair's voice sounded foreign to herself and she realized how little she has been speaking lately, "I'm looking for Chuck Bass." She hated and loved how easily his name fell from her lips.

The redhead smiled in return, standing on her stiletto heels and walking towards Blair. Blair noticed just how petite this other woman was… and young; couldn't be much older than eighteen and barely reaching over five feet tall. "Ah, simple mistake, really." She walked to her doorway and pointed to the next door over, "That is really a stairwell, mista Bass should be at the top of it. Only room up there, sweet pea." She smiled at Blair, "I do hope you're that cavalry, here to knock some sense into him."

Blair looked down sheepishly with a shrug, hoping the blush she felt couldn't be seen. Waving goodbye to the young performer, Blair made her way up the stairs. She prepped herself for the worst, turning the doorknob at the top of the stairwell.

It still didn't help the site of a dazed Chuck Bass lying naked in bed with a dark haired woman with tattoos of stars on her back draped across him. Blair was thankful for an empty stomach for she was sure that otherwise she would've vomited right then and there.

The two stirred on the bed, the girl confused and slightly embarrassed of being walked in on but Chuck smirked at Blair's arrival. He let out a "huh" of air in what could only be akin to a laugh before nudging the girl off of him.

"Stella, be a dear and run along. I don't think your beautiful eyes should witness that carnage that is about to ensue." Stella didn't know whether to be dazzled by his words or offended about being kicked out so early. She shrugged, gathering her clothes and a camera bag before walking out the door with as much pride as she could muster.

"Didn't take you long to get back to your whores." Blair said icily, hiding behind her mask of bitchiness.

"Stella happens to be a very sensitive soul. She wanted to photograph me for her art book. I personally believe she got her money shot." Chuck drawled back, not even bothering to cover himself. "Now she didn't exactly purr the way you do, but she could grow with the best of them. Oh, and when you bite on her neck…"

"Enough." Blair finally found her voice. "If you're trying to just disgust me to make me leave, it won't work."

"Then why are you shaking?" Blair hadn't even noticed the quivering her body was doing. She cursed her body to pick that moment to become freezing.

"Don't flatter yourself. I've been sick." She replied curtly, not wanting to discuss her medical record with an inebriate. Even in his dazed state, Chuck's face feigned concern. "I came here for you, Chuck. I know you're not well, but I guess neither am I. We need each other, Chuck."

Chuck's concern suddenly hardened, "I don't need anyone." Blair didn't understand how four words could suddenly make her want to cry. Four words… one month, three weeks, two days, three words, eight letters.

"We're inevitable, Bass." She said quietly, throwing his own words back at him, "I love you." Blair didn't need any more conversation as she turned and walked out of his room.

Tears blurred her vision so much as she walked down the stairs that she didn't even notice running right into the young performer from earlier.

"Oh, you should watch where you walk, sweet pea. You never know who you could be bumping into 'round these parts." She looked up, seeing Blair's state, "Oh now what did mista Bass do to you? Come on. You're in no state to be out in society in this state. A lady never shows herself looking nothing less than her best." The girl escorted Blair into her dressing room, closing the door behind them.

She set Blair down on her chaise, walking to turn on her cappuccino machine. After the beverages were done, she offered one to Blair who gratefully accepted.

"I'm sorry; it must be horribly impolite of me ushering you in here knowing nothing about me. I'm Olivia St. James, headlining dancer at this wonderful establishment." Olivia held out a hand to Blair which she shook.

"Blair Waldorf, silly girl who fall in love with the Basstard upstairs." She ruefully laughed, taking a sip of the drink.

"Oh, you're that Blair." Olivia said as though something dawned on her, "I've heard about you: only girl that can truly get mista Bass in a tizzy."

Blair snorted, "He didn't seem to have a problem with that slutty photographer, Stella, upstairs."

"So that's why she never called me back." Olivia mused, setting down her cup, "You do realize that he's just in a rebellious phase right now? It's almost like a two year old drawing on the walls in a way to get someone to notice him. Quite sad, how much he strives for attention…"

"Is that why he hired you? To give him attention?" Blair didn't mean it to come out so coldly, but Olivia still smiled diminutively in response.

"If you mean sexual favors, no. Mista Bass can surprisingly be quite professional when he chooses, and although he enjoys pursuing the impossible, I'm a little too impossible. The fact that he is a charming man doesn't get rid of the fact that he is… a man." Olivia responded bluntly. Blair froze, wondering if the entire comforting setup was a ploy. Olivia seemed to notice her questioning stance, "Sweet pea, if I was hitting on you, you'd know. Now," She got up, straightening out her a-line skirt and putting on her white gloves, "I believe that you should be getting to your humble abode. It isn't ladylike to be gallivanting the streets unescorted. Besides," She held the back of her hand to Blair's forehead, "Your pallor is increasing. I'll call you a cab."

The two girls walked to the front of Victrola, and Blair headed home after bidding Olivia adieu. Her home was relatively quiet although Blair could sense a new presence there. She found the source in the spare room next to hers: a waiflike girl with two toned blonde and chesnut hair cut in a pixie cut was sitting on the floor, sorting through boxed of things.

"You must be Taylor." Blair stated from the doorway. Taylor looked up with her hazel eyes and nodded before going back to sorting her belongings.

_Great_, Blair thought, _I'm rooming with a mute_.

Blair's eyes gazed over Taylor's possessions and Taylor herself: all very 1960's mod. Upon further inspection, Taylor seemed to embody a modern Edie Sedgwick. Her gaze fell upon a book laying at her feet.

"Postsecret." Blair read aloud, "What's this?"

"Oh, it's an art book. One of my favorites." Taylor said, her voice slightly deadpan, but livelier than the silence that preceded it. "The address on the front is a place where you send postcards, each one with a different secret. It's beautiful, really… a way to know you're not alone. I've sent four already." She smiled sheepishly, folding the leggings in her hands.

Blair nodded, remembering the address and walking into her bedroom. Send away your secret. It could quite possibly be one of the greatest ideas to occur in modern history. She took out a picture of Audrey, knowing that no matter how dark her thoughts may be, her idol would always be a part of it. Suddenly, Blair's mind flooded with so many secrets she wanted to be rid of: secrets about Serena, her mother, of Chuck… many of Chuck. She decided to start out small; after all, Taylor already admitted to sending four.

Blair wrote down her thought, sealed it up, and placed it in the mailbox away from Dorota's and her mother's prying eyes. Maybe tonight she could get some sleep. After all, it wasn't as though counting anything had been helping her condition.

Blair's secret: .

A/N- Hi, I thought I should put one of these to disclaim that this is my first GG fic so please be gentle. Also, the use of original characters may not be PC but we don't know any Victrola dancers and I needed someone to introduce postsecret to Blair. PS- I know there's no Taylor in the books, I made her brother Tyler a girl… and Cyrus's daughter instead of Eleanor's.

Also, I'm back and forth on whether each chapter's secret should just be Blair's or should I have other character's secrets as well. Views?


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